Thursday, October 28, 2004
An Irishman goes into a shop and buys a chainsaw. Two weeks later he
takes it back. "I bought this chainsaw two weeks ago. You said it would
chop down fifty trees an hour and I can only manage two." "Well, lets
take a look at it then." says the shop assistant. He takes the chainsaw
and starts it up.
BRRRRRBRRRRBRR! "Christ!" says the Irishman, "What's that noise?"
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Two blokes are standing at a bar.
One says to the other, "Do you know what?
I could have sex with any woman in this pub".
"Oh yeah? How's that then?"
"I'm a rapist".
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
CONFERENCE
At a press conference today, Teresa Heinz Kerry, wife of Democratic
Presidential nominee John Kerry, announced that she's going to be
On the campaign trail with her husband!
"To prepare myself," she said, "I have shaved off all my pubic hair.
From now until the election, I shall sit on the stage with John, and may
occasionally flash my legs apart without wearing any panties.
This will send a strong message to America."
"Just what is that message, Mrs. Kerry?" gasped astonished reporters at this startling announcement.
Teresa replied, "READ MY LIPS, NO MORE BUSH!"
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says "nothing's wrong", and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"