Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took
place:
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing
this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the
house next weekend."
Second guy: "That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her
a new deck for the pool."
Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will
remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to fish when they realised that the fourth guy has not said a
word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do
to be able to come fishing this weekend.
What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 4:30am. When it went off, I shut off my
alarm, gave the wife a nudge with the hips and said,
"Fishing or Sex?"
...and she said, "Wear sun-block."
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body
to
squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death! (Creepy)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to
its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping
the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed
people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)