Monday, October 10, 2005
Sausage
Larry and Bob wanted to go out drinking, but they only had £2.00
between them.
Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea" He went next door to the
butcher's shop and spent the £2.00 on one large sausage.
Bob said,"Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"
Larry replied,"Don't worry - just follow me."
They went into the pub where Larry immediately ordered two double
shots of Jack Daniels. Bob said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how
much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!"
Larry replied, with a smile, " Don't worry - I have a plan."
" Cheers!"
They downed their drinks. Larry said "OK! I'll stick the sausage
through my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth."
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They
continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free!!
At the tenth bar, Bob said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this
anymore.My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!"
Larry said, "How do you think I feel?
I lost the sausage after the third pub!....
Friday, October 07, 2005
Friendship
Friendship among women:
A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband she
slept over at a friend's house.
The man calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knows about it.
Friendship among men:
A man doesn't come home one night. The next day he tells his wife he slept
over at a friend's house. The woman
calls her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them say he did sleep over,
and two claim he's still there.
TWO NUNS
There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one
minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
I'll pray for you!
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Bear Joke
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake.A
hot,dry fly,who said to no one in particular "Gosh...if I go down three
inches,I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed".
There was a fish in the water thinking "Gosh...if that fly goes down
three inches,I can eat him"
There was a bear on the shore thinking "Gosh...if that fly goes down
three inches,that fish will jump for the fly...and I will eat him".
It also happened that a hunter was further up the bank of the
lake,preparing to eat a cheese sandwich."Gosh" he thought. "if that fly
goes down three inches,and that fish leaps for it...that bear will expose
himself and
grab for the fish,I can shoot the bear and then I'll have proper lunch".
You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but I
can tell you there is more....
A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking "Gosh...if that fly goes
down three inches...and that fish jumps for the fly...the bear grabs
the fish...the dumb hunter will shoot that bear and drop his cheese
sandwich".
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought "Gosh ..if
that fly goes three inches..fish jumps for the fly..bear grabs the
fish... hunter shoots the bear.. mouse makes off with the cheese
sandwich, then I can
have the mouse for lunch".
Well, the poor fly is finally so hot and dry that he heads down for the
cooling mist of the water...the fish swallows the fly..the bear grabs
the fish...the hunter shoots the bear...the mouse grabs the
sandwich..the cat jumps for the mouse...the mouse ducks..the cat falls into
the water
and drowns !!
MORAL OF THE STORY......
Whenever a fly goes down three inches...
Some pu$$y is probably in danger.