Wednesday, June 28, 2006
I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, start out dead and get it out of the way. Then you wake up in a nursing home, feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, you're carefree And you get ready for Secondary School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and finally you finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
Voted Best Joke in Australia
An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids
The shopkeeper asks: "Are they twins?"
The woman says: "No, he's 9 years old and she's 7.
Why? Do you think they look alike?"
"No" , he replies "I just can't believe you got shagged twice"
Friday, June 16, 2006
In an interview about his failed marriage , Paul Mcartney was asked if he
would ever go down on one knee again. He said ' I'd prefer it if you called
her Heather'
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
BEER, FISHING, SEX & GOLF:
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man. "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."