Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Changes Made By New German Pope
Biker 
Showering Tips For Men And Women
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
Look at your womanly physique in mirror and stick out gut so you can complain
and whine even more about getting fat.
Get in shower.
Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil.
Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure it has all come off).
Shave armpits and legs.
Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and you lose the water pressure.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small African Country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
Check entire body for remotest sign of a zit.
Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up exposed areas, then rush to bedroom to spend
an hour and a half getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
Take off clothes while sitting on edge of bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her and make "woo"sound.
Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs (no).
Admire package in the mirror, scratch "privates" and smell fingers for one last whiff.
Get in the shower.
Don't bother to look for washcloth (you don't use one).
Wash face, then armpits.
Crack up at how loud fart sounds in the shower. Wash privates and surrounding area.
Wash butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
Shampoo hair (do not use conditioner).
Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
Pee (in the shower).
Rinse off and get out of the shower.
Fail to notice water on floor because you left curtain hanging out of tub the whole time.
Partially dry off.
Look at self in the mirror, flex muscles.
Admire package again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet bath mat on floor.
Leave bathroom fan and light on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your package, and go "Yeah baby" and
thrust your pelvis at her.
Throw wet towel on the bed.
Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Beckhams in Hollywood
Beckham Tattoo
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Subject: 10 thoughts of the day
10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. Girls, If you see one without an
erection, make him a sandwich.
7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach a person to
use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
6 - Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but
you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism.
3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 quid and a substantial
tax cut saves you 50p?
2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:
We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of
cars in Britain. But we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of
illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the
DVLA in charge of immigration.