<Is There Life After Smoking????>

Monday, May 14, 2007

Exchange

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the
currency exchange window at the local bank.
Short line.
Just one lady in front of me. . .an Asian lady who was trying to
exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated . . .
She asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla
fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations".
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people, too!"

posted by reallysadgit at 17:07 | link | comments

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Contraception

After having their 11Th child, a Liverpool couple
Decided that was enough, as the social wouldn't buy
Them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to
Nick one.

The husband went to his doctor and told him that he
And his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a
Vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was
Expensive.

A less costly alternative was to go home, get a
Firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold
The can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the
Smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting
a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to
Help me."

Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a
Beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to
Count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused,
Placed the beer can between his legs so he could
Continue counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Newcastle , parts of
Hartlepool and anywhere in Scotland.

posted by reallysadgit at 20:16 | link | comments

Some Light Reading

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down
into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. "What
troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I
thought this was the day you spent with your family." "It was," sighed
the Sister. "And I went to play golf with
my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know
I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ." "I
seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I
take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?" "Far from it," snorted
the Sister. "In fact, I even took
the Lord's name in vain today!" "Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother
Superior,
astonished. "You must tell me all about it!" "Well, we were on the fifth
tee...and this hole is a
monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left
and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I
creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying
straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it
hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!" "Oh my!"
commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But
surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!" "No, that wasn't it,"
admitted Sister "While I was still
trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out
of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!" "Oh, that
would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized
Mother. "But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I
was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether
this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky
and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still
clutched in his paws!" "So that's when you cursed," said the Mother
with a knowing smile. "Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister,
anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight,
the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him
right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his
paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!" Mother Superior sat
back in her chair, folded her arms
across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and
said...

"You missed the f **ing putt, didn't you?"