Monday, March 03, 2008
Water
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan
desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old
Jew at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The Jew replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only
$50."
The Taliban shouted, "Infidel! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water!
I should kill you, but I must find water first."
"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie
and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find
a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need.
Shalom."
Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he
staggered back.
"Your f *cking brother won't let me in without a tie."
Ventriloquist
A ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small
outback village and
sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog He figures he'll have a
little fun, so he says to the Aussie "Hey, mind if I talk to your dog?"
Villager : "The dog doesn't talk, stupid "
Ventriloquist : "Hello dog, how's it going mate? "
Dog : "Doin' all right. "
Aussie : (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist : "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog : "Yep"
Ventriloquist : "How does he treat you? "
Dog : "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes
me to the lake once a week to play. "
Aussie : (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist : "Mind if I talk to your horse? "
Aussie : "Uh, the horse don't talk either. . . . I think. "
Ventriloquist : "Hey horse, how's it going? "
Horse : "Cool"
Aussie : (absolutely dumbfounded, "as most Ozzys look)
Ventriloquist : "Is this your owner? " (pointing at the villager)
Horse : "Yep"
Ventriloquist : How does he treat you?
Horse : "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me
down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Aussie : (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist : "Mind if I talk to your sheep? "
Aussie : (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar. "
Star Trek
The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished
giving a speech and walked out into the lobby and
met with President Bush.
They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian
said, 'You know I have just one question about what
I have seen in America.' President Bush said,
'Well, anything I can do to help you, I will.' The
Iranian whispered 'My son watches this show 'Star
Trek' and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian,
Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is Black and Sulu
who is Chinese, but no Arabs. My son is very upset
and doesn't understand why there aren't any
Iranians, Syrians or Iraqis on Star Trek.
President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian
ambassador, and whispered back, 'It's because it
takes place in the future.'